The Kitten Saga ends in tears!
(re-homing grief)
Reflections on grief and love and a meditation for allowing grief to move through the body.
Ocean and I raised seven kittens after taking in a semi-feral cat who was pregnant.
The journey offered us the opportunity to deepen the connection we have to each other. Both individually and together we’ve explored our connections to grief, loss, great joy and deepest gratitude. Ultimately, love.
At times, looking after the kittens was very testing of our patience, with each other and with their needs. We both experienced elements of stress associated with being almost constantly in demand from the moment of waking until the last moments before sleep, and the deep desire and duty of making sure that these little lives have the best start to life that we could offer them, and that they are well developed, nourished and nurtured before they go to their new homes.
Loving and letting go of the kittens was a new lesson in grief. But one I wasn’t unfamiliar with.
When my daughters were born three months early by emergency C-section I completely disregarded all my own personal needs to meet the needs of them and everybody else around me. I thought that was the ‘right’ thing to do.
That’s where the problem arose. I did a great deal of thinking and getting up into my mind about what the best plan was to meet their needs and then, through neglecting to give myself any care or consideration, I fell to pieces.
The mind cannot solve emotional blockages
You may have experienced times in your life where you believe that the best thing to do is to try to meet everybody else’s needs. You can then find yourself trying to second guess what other people are thinking or feeling and then trying to meet a need that you perceive that they have.
After my daughter received her head injury at birth, I felt a deep sadness and fear about what the future may hold. I found myself in a situation where I was catastrophising over what may happen next. I also found myself desperately trying to fix the past by going over it continuously in my head.
This led me to feeling deep regret and shame. Then, because I was unable to meet my own needs, I felt resentment when it appeared to me that no one else was either acknowledging what I was doing or putting in as much effort as me. There was a deep level of criticism and judgement within myself.
If you don’t meet your own needs FIRST resentment will build
But, all this was hiding and masking a deep grief and loss within me, a sadness, which I’ve never been able to truly feel, let alone released and then reintegrated!
Grief and loss can often be masked and hidden by us over giving ourselves to anything on the external whether that’s work, friendships, family or community.
What I have learned is that in order to have the effect on the rest of the world around me with the love that I want to bring, I first have to turn that inwards and open up to love myself.
It is only in the last five years that I have able been able to not only accept any new losses or changes that arise in my life, but also to allow past energy and emotion to move through as well.
Sometimes a deep sadness can sit in your belly and in your heart.
Even when you give yourself the chance to cry and express tears there may be an aching in your throat where the energy is stuck, moving or building. If you try to stifle those tears and all those feelings from moving all the way through you, then that energy can get caught up again in thoughts which doesn’t actually allow them to transmute and integrate.
The only way through grief and loss is to disconnect the feelings and emotions that you feel in your body from the thoughts and stories that arise in your mind. I don’t mean that you disconnect your entire body but it’s more to be bringing balance between your heart mind and emotions. the mind cannot release and integrate emotion just by thought. You must FEEL the sensations.
Let go the thoughts and feel the grief, only then can you move into love
Once you give yourself the space to feel you can begin to forgive yourself and others, through letting go of criticism and judgement.
Then as the emotions reintegrate into your being you are able to open to feeling deep gratitude, joy and content in the present moment.
Re-homing these beautiful beings deepened a connection to love through grief.
Grief and Loss meditation
Release old energy to feel gratitude and love
Have you got some memories and thoughts of loss that keep coming up for you?
Do you sometimes find yourself reflecting on things that have been and then feeling regret or shame that there was something that you didn’t do or say?
Maybe there is someone who you feel you never really were able to find harmony with before they were lost to you either by death or a change in relationship.
This practice around grief and loss offers you the opportunity to feel the emotions of grief and loss without getting caught up in the thoughts or stories. You’ve probably tried reasoning with yourself or finding excuses around why you feel the grief or loss, but by connecting with your body and heart you can find true freedom.
Grief Meditation
- Find a quiet place to lie down or set yourself up somewhere that you’re not going to be disturbed for at least 15 minutes, you may require longer, ensure you give yourself space afterwards
- Put your phone and all devices on aeroplane mode and make sure you won’t be interrupted
- Begin by bringing your hands to your heart space
- Close your eyes
- Take deep inhales through the nose and slow exhales through the mouth, repeat as many of these breaths as you feel to settle you into the space
- Keep drawing all your attention to your breath, the inhale through the nose and the slow exhale through the mouth
- Now, bring hand to your heart and focus all your attention on the contact between your palms and your chest, imagine there is a warmth and love building there
- Spend some time really connecting with your heart and your chest – sensing, feeling, breathing
- Once you feel anchored to your heart and chest with the breath, allow yourself to feel some sadness and notice if there’s any memories or thoughts that arise
- When those thoughts or memories arise, acknowledge them, don’t push them away but notice where the feeling is in your body
- Keep breathing throughout this – inhale through the nose exhale through the mouth
- You may feel some sadness arising, maybe strong sensation, maybe a sound wants to express through you or some tears fall – allow those to move but if you notice that the sadness begins to develop into thoughts, a story or a memory, then gently draw back to the anchor warmth and love ever present at your chest under your hands, in your heart space.
- Allow yourself to let go of the thoughts and memories, bring a sense of forgiveness to yourself, a letting go, allowing any regrets or shame to be felt and move through as emotions rather than holding on to them.
- Keep breathing in to the belly, in through the nose out through the mouth.
- As you connect your heart you may say out loud to yourself “The past is the past, it is not the now. I let go, I release, I feel and I am here”
Take your time to transition out of this practice, intentionally draw yourself in to the now with the mantra above and use the breath – inhale in to the now, exhale letting go.
Slowly slide your hands across your chest to your shoulders and wrap yourself in a hug, bowing your head towards your chest.
Allow your breath to normalise as you hold yourself
You may need to do this practice many times to allow release to take place, as over the years you’ve probably held onto a lot of grief and loss without being able to truly feel it. It is a practice of softening and returning with willingness to open again and again. Be gentle with yourself.
Sometimes trapped emotions and energy get trapped within the body and meditations like this are just one part of the process.
Connected breathing allows you to connect in with parts of the nervous system that may have been activated during the root event of where you’re holding onto trapped emotions from.
If you are feeling ready to release and explore a different way of being then click the button below to book your free consultation.
You can sign up for free powerful practices, techniques and reflections straight to your inbox.
Fill in your information and join the newsletter below.
