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Week 7: Emotions & Toxic Relationships
Last but not least: The emotions we carry and the relationships that shape us
Detoxing the body isn’t just about food, chemicals, or the environment—it’s about emotions too. If I left this part out, I’d be doing you a disservice. Unprocessed emotions sit in the body, manifesting as tension, fatigue, or even physical pain. They linger in tight shoulders, a heavy chest, or an uneasy gut.
Some of the most powerful detox work isn’t about cutting out sugar or switching to natural skincare—it’s about recognising the emotions that keep us stuck. And just as crucially, it’s about looking at the people around us. Relationships can be the biggest source of nourishment—or the greatest toxin in our lives.
Many of us hold onto emotions that we never fully process. Anger swallowed down, sadness that wasn’t allowed to be expressed, guilt or shame that we carry long after an event has passed. And then, without realising it, these emotions shape how we interact with the world, how we react to situations, and the kind of people we are drawn to.
But here’s the challenge: it’s not about removing all negative emotions. There’s a tendency in spiritual spaces to chase only the light—to want to feel happy, joyful, and free all the time. But true balance in life means making room for everything. Sadness, anger, frustration, and grief are as much a part of us as love, joy, and excitement.
This week, we’re looking at emotional detox in a deeper way. We’ll explore:
- Why some emotions get trapped in the body and how to release them
- How our inner child and past wounds shape our reactions and relationships
- The unconscious emotional patterns that pull us into toxic relationships
- Why some relationships feel intoxicating—even when they are harmful
- The role of attachment styles and how they influence our connections
- How to set boundaries and protect your emotional energy
This isn’t about cutting people out of your life overnight. Sometimes, we need to step away from a toxic situation. Other times, we need to find a way to exist within it, with stronger boundaries, self-awareness, and emotional resilience.
Let’s start by looking at the inner child—the part of you that still carries past wounds and emotional triggers.
The Inner Child and the Wounded Self
There are moments in life when we overreact to something seemingly small, when a conversation leaves us feeling unexpectedly raw, or when we find ourselves acting out old patterns without really knowing why. More often than not, these responses don’t come from our present selves—they come from the wounded child within us, the part of us that formed emotional patterns long before we were conscious of them.
The Inner Child: The Hidden Voice That Still Speaks
The inner child isn’t just a concept—it’s a real, emotional imprint of our earliest experiences. The way we were spoken to, the way love was given or withheld, the moments we felt abandoned, rejected, or unseen—all of these experiences shape the emotional blueprint we carry into adulthood.
If, as a child, you were made to feel that expressing sadness was weak, you might struggle to process grief or disappointment now. If your needs were ignored, you may have learned to people-please, over-explain, or struggle to say no. If love was inconsistent, you might chase relationships that mimic that same unpredictability, confusing instability for passion.
We think we’ve grown up, but in many ways, we are still playing out the same old dynamics—just in adult bodies and adult relationships.
The Wounded Child: When Old Hurts Control the Present
The wounded child is the part of us that still feels unhealed, unseen, or unheard. It’s what gets activated when someone presses an old emotional bruise, triggering a response that feels much bigger than the situation itself.
Have you ever:
- Felt an irrational level of anger when someone ignores you?
- Shut down emotionally when you feel criticised, even gently?
- Found yourself clinging to people who aren’t fully available?
- Sabotaged a situation before someone else could reject you?
These are all signs that the wounded child is in control. When we don’t recognise where these emotions are coming from, we assume they are reactions to the present. But more often than not, they are echoes of the past, still playing out in real time.
Where These Patterns Show Up in the Body
Emotions don’t just disappear if they aren’t processed—they stay in the body. The tightness in your chest before confrontation. The tension in your shoulders when someone disrespects your boundaries. The sick feeling in your stomach when someone you care about pulls away.
- Repressed anger can show up as jaw tension, headaches, or digestive issues
- Fear of abandonment might manifest as tightness in the chest or shallow breathing
- Guilt and shame often sit in the stomach or the lower back
- Chronic stress from emotional wounds can lead to fatigue, skin breakouts, or inflammation
When we start noticing where we physically hold emotions, we can also start working on releasing them in a healthy way.
Healing the Inner Child: Awareness, Breathwork, and Self-Compassion
The first step to healing is awareness. When you feel emotionally reactive, pause and ask yourself: Who does this remind me of? Have I felt this before? Sometimes, just recognising that you’re responding from an old wound rather than the present moment is enough to create space for a different reaction.
Breathwork is a powerful tool for calming the nervous system and regulating emotions. When you feel emotionally overwhelmed, try:
- Deep belly breathing – inhale for four counts, hold for four, exhale for eight
- Box breathing – inhale, hold, exhale, hold for equal counts
- Sighing breath – inhale deeply, then exhale with an audible sigh, releasing tension
The inner child doesn’t heal through self-judgment—it heals through self-compassion. Instead of pushing away uncomfortable emotions, try sitting with them. What would you say to a child who was feeling the way you do? What would they need to hear?
This is the work of emotional detoxification—not just pushing away negativity, but integrating and healing what has been left unresolved.
Next, we’ll explore internal and external emotional triggers—how they shape our daily experiences and why certain people push our buttons more than others.
Internal & External Emotional Triggers: Why Some People Push Our Buttons
There are moments when a single word, a glance, or even the tone of someone’s voice can send us into an emotional spiral. A friend cancels plans, and suddenly we feel abandoned. Someone interrupts us in a conversation, and frustration flares up instantly. These emotional reactions often seem disproportionate to the situation, but that’s because they aren’t just about the present moment—they are activating something much deeper.
Understanding emotional triggers is one of the most powerful forms of emotional detox. It allows us to see our reactions for what they really are and decide whether they need to control us.
External Triggers: The People & Situations That Set Us Off
External triggers are things outside of us that provoke an emotional response. They could be words, behaviours, situations, or even specific environments that remind us—consciously or unconsciously—of past experiences.
Some common external triggers include:
- Feeling ignored or rejected – brings up abandonment wounds from childhood
- Being criticised, even gently – reminds us of past experiences of not feeling good enough
- Someone raising their voice – triggers old memories of conflict or authority figures
- Seeing others succeed – may stir up feelings of comparison, jealousy, or self-doubt
- Unreliable people – remind us of instability or lack of safety in childhood
External triggers often reveal where we still need healing. When we react intensely to something, it’s an opportunity to ask, What is this situation reminding me of? When did I first feel this way?
Internal Triggers: The Beliefs & Thoughts That Keep Us Stuck
While external triggers come from the world around us, internal triggers come from within us. These are the subconscious beliefs, fears, and insecurities that shape how we interpret situations.
For example:
- If you believe you’re not good enough, any form of criticism—no matter how small—will feel deeply personal.
- If you have a deep fear of being abandoned, a delayed text reply might feel like rejection.
- If you grew up in an environment where love had to be earned, you might feel guilty for resting or taking care of yourself.
These internal triggers shape how we see the world. Two people can experience the same situation, but their interpretation of it will be completely different based on their internal beliefs.
Why Certain People Trigger Us the Most
There’s a reason why some people get under our skin more than others. It’s not just about their behaviour—it’s about what they represent to us.
- The overly critical boss might remind you of a parent who always expected more.
- The emotionally distant friend might echo childhood experiences of feeling unseen.
- The partner who withdraws during conflict might bring up past wounds of abandonment.
Sometimes, the people who trigger us the most are mirrors reflecting something we need to heal. This doesn’t mean their behaviour is acceptable—but it does mean that understanding the trigger gives us power.
How to Work With Your Triggers Instead of Being Controlled by Them
Next time you feel emotionally hijacked, try this:
1️⃣ Pause before reacting – Instead of responding immediately, take a moment to breathe and check in with your body.
2️⃣ Identify the emotion – Name what you’re feeling: anger, sadness, rejection, insecurity.
3️⃣ Ask yourself: Where is this coming from? – Is this about the present moment, or is it echoing something from the past?
4️⃣ Choose your response – Instead of reacting from a place of wounding, respond with awareness.
This isn’t about suppressing emotions—it’s about understanding where they come from so they don’t control you.
Next, we’ll explore why some toxic relationships feel addictive—and why we keep going back to them.
Toxic Relationships: Why They Feel Good (Even When They Hurt Us)
It seems counterintuitive—if a relationship is harmful, why would we be drawn to it? Why do we crave certain people, even when we know they aren’t good for us? The answer lies in attachment styles, emotional conditioning, and the brain’s reward system.
Attachment Styles & Emotional Patterns
The way we experience relationships as adults is often shaped by our earliest emotional bonds. In psychology, these are known as attachment styles, and they influence how we seek connection, handle conflict, and experience intimacy.
There are four main attachment styles:
🔹 Secure Attachment – You feel safe in relationships, trust comes easily, and you don’t fear abandonment.
🔹 Anxious Attachment – You fear being abandoned and often seek reassurance, sometimes to the point of emotional dependency.
🔹 Avoidant Attachment – You feel uncomfortable with emotional closeness and tend to withdraw when relationships get too intense.
🔹 Disorganised Attachment – A mix of both anxious and avoidant patterns, often caused by childhood trauma or inconsistent caregivers.
People with anxious or disorganised attachment are often drawn to partners who reinforce their deepest fears—leading to toxic, cyclical relationships.
The Role of Trauma Bonds
Some toxic relationships feel impossible to let go of because they activate what’s called a trauma bond. This is an intense emotional connection formed through a cycle of highs and lows—love, affection, withdrawal, rejection, and then reconciliation.
This cycle is chemically addictive. The brain starts associating the pain of emotional withdrawal with the pleasure of reconnection, creating a loop that keeps us stuck.
Signs of a trauma bond:
- Feeling emotionally dependent on someone, even if they hurt you
- Making excuses for their behaviour and hoping they will change
- Feeling restless or empty when they pull away
- Having an on-again, off-again cycle that is difficult to break
Recognising a toxic pattern is the first step to breaking free from it. The next step is learning how to set emotional boundaries—both with others and with yourself.
Setting Boundaries: Protecting Your Emotional Energy
For many people, setting boundaries feels uncomfortable—especially if you grew up in an environment where saying “no” led to rejection, conflict, or guilt. But boundaries aren’t about pushing people away—they are about creating space for healthy relationships to exist.
Why Boundaries Matter
- They teach others how to treat you
- They protect your emotional energy
- They help you avoid resentment
- They allow you to stay connected without losing yourself
How to Set Boundaries Without Guilt
1️⃣ Start small – You don’t have to overhaul your relationships overnight. Begin with one small boundary and build from there.
2️⃣ Be clear, but kind – Boundaries don’t need to be aggressive. They can be as simple as:
- “I’m not available to talk right now, but I can check in later.”
- “I need some space to process this before I respond.”
- “That doesn’t work for me, but here’s an alternative.”
3️⃣ Expect resistance – People who benefit from your lack of boundaries might push back. Stay firm.
4️⃣ Check in with your emotions – If setting a boundary makes you feel guilty, ask yourself: Am I responsible for managing this person’s feelings?
When to Walk Away
Not every relationship can be saved. Some require distance, space, or closure. If a relationship consistently leaves you feeling drained, anxious, or unworthy, it might be time to step back.
This isn’t about cutting people off impulsively—it’s about choosing relationships that nourish, not deplete you.
Actions for Change: Detoxing Your Emotional Life
Emotional detox isn’t about forcing yourself to feel positive all the time or cutting everyone out of your life who triggers you. It’s about awareness, integration, and creating a healthier emotional environment—both inside and outside of yourself.
Here are six powerful actions you can take this week to start shifting your emotional landscape:
1️⃣ Practice Breath Awareness – Every time you feel triggered, take a deep breath in through your nose, hold for a few seconds, and exhale slowly through your mouth. This activates the parasympathetic nervous system, calming your body before reaction takes over.
2️⃣ Journal Your Triggers – When you feel an intense emotional reaction, take a moment to write it down. Ask yourself:
- What am I feeling?
- Where do I feel it in my body?
- What does this remind me of?
- What would my inner child say about this?
Recognising patterns is the first step to breaking free from them.
3️⃣ Assess Your Relationships – Make a list of the people in your life. Ask yourself:
- Who makes me feel safe, seen, and supported?
- Who drains my energy or makes me feel anxious?
- Which relationships feel like a cycle of emotional highs and lows?
You don’t need to act on this right away, but awareness is key.
4️⃣ Set One Small Boundary This Week – If boundary-setting feels overwhelming, start with something small:
- Taking longer to respond instead of instantly reacting
- Saying no to something you don’t have the energy for
- Asking for space when you need it
The more you practice, the easier it becomes.
5️⃣ Allow ALL Emotions – Happiness, sadness, anger, grief—all of it belongs. When you feel something uncomfortable, instead of pushing it away, try sitting with it. Ask yourself:
- If this emotion had a voice, what would it say?
- Where in my body do I feel it?
- What does this emotion need from me?
Often, just allowing the feeling without judgment is enough for it to pass through.
6️⃣ Move & Release Tension – The body holds onto unprocessed emotions. Simple ways to release them include:
- Stretching or yoga to open the chest, hips, and shoulders (where many emotions get trapped)
- Dancing or shaking out the body to release stored tension
- Singing, humming, or even screaming into a pillow to activate the vagus nerve and regulate the nervous system
Final Thoughts
Emotional detox is a process, not a one-time event. Some emotions take time to integrate, and some relationships take time to shift. The goal isn’t to become emotionally invincible—it’s to create more awareness, more balance, and more self-compassion.
As you move through this week, start small. Notice your emotions. Notice your triggers. Notice the patterns in your relationships. With time, awareness turns into action, and action turns into lasting change.
If this resonates with you and you’d like support in navigating your emotional detox, reach out—I’d love to help you on this journey.
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